Laozhainan

Lazy sewing

Today, after the usual amount of seam allowance, I give you improbable sewing tips from a place of incompetence.

Following the secret, never-to-be-revealed manifesto that dictates the content on this site, in the following, we will delve into the world of fusing woven surfaces using the rule of needle and thread. I am no permanent resident of that world, nor am I skilled, yet I sew and so should you. The first part of this article includes the motivation why. The second part is about cutting corners in silly ways.

If you already sew, send me a list of your reprimands along with a picture of your latest creations.

A piece of jeans with a chaotically patched hole.

My latest creation is this chaotic patch on a disintegrating pair of jeans. Yes, I am not actually qualified to write this article.

Why sewing?

I was making lasagna the other day. I bought one package, forgetting that I already had one at home. This is problematic since my pantry space, and apartment footprint as a whole, cannot accomade two packages of lasagna simultaneously. Luckily, they are only half-filled these days, so that I can combine the contents of two packages into one full package.

Clearly, value is becoming more and more tangible as a concept recently, especially in cultures that are already used to prosperity. Valuable things can be fascinating and the fascinations they attract can turn into stories that interweave history, people and objects. Examples for this are family heirlooms or antique jewelry that encapsulates the fashion of a very specific moment in time or the life of its owner.

Unfortunately, valuable things are, on the whole, unaffordable. They are also mostly unfit for solving any of the smaller or bigger problems that seem more important at the moment. There is one exception, however: Time.

In industrialized societies, the time of people has become so valuable that the things requiring it to be made have not only become unaffordable, they have almost vanished from stores. Clothing has always been at the extreme end of this, and, apart from few exceptions like high-end custom suits, it can no longer be produced commercially in most prosperous countries.

At the same time, we all have time. We spend it on earning money, knowledge, loved ones, or entertainment. Probably, there is some slack. You may be working two jobs with three kids and a degree in citrus grove management in progress, but even you have at least the time to read this article!

If we can divert some of that time, we can exchange it for true, unobtainable valuables. Unique clothing that can solve both our own problems and alleviate some other people’s problems. Similar to an altered brooch, it carries part of you. Mass-produced ownership turns into memorable relationship. Granted, skill creates part of the value of hand-made clothing, but even without skill, there is a lot of room, especially in the world of small repairs. This makes needlework a worthwhile passtime. It is also fun.

Apart from unique clothing, the reversal to the medieval self-sufficient home-economy can also provide us with an excellent “second-screen” activity. For most parts, not a lot of attention is needed, only patience. An addictive loop where the next step is always clear is ultimately rewarded with a feeling of deep satisfaction.

Apart from fun, sewing delivers also more abstract forms of fulfillment. The connections built with needle and thread are most often stronger than the fabric itself. Woodworking and metalworking require many more tools and effort, yet in their case, the seams often remain the weak point. Sewing creates durability at negligible tool cost and space use.

These considerations make sewing worth a try. Get some needle and some thread. Even if you do not use it now, many years down the line, it may become useful.

How sew lazy?

Once you enter the world of sewing, you learn as much about stitches as you learn about yourself. For some individuals, a distinct lack or surplus of perfectionism is quickly revealed. However, no matter if you are a perfectionist or not, you can independently also be lazy, or more precisely, have a disdain for the unnecessary.

I can imagine that this lazy desire was paramount for societies that spent a signficant fraction of their time on sewing. In modern times, however, unlazy sewing has proliferated so much that even instructional materials teach inefficiencies that (from my highly self-overconfident viewpoint as a novice needleworker) seem completely unnecessary. To reach the optimal fun in sewing, we need to cut through this inefficiency and reconnect with our preindustrialized industrious ancestors.

Use the following tips like scissors for that purpose:

Two needles, one with a neat double thread with ends knotted together, another with a chaotic single free thread.
You shall not double thread. Somehow this is not too common if you look up beginner sewing guides online, but many people of the generation of my parents were taught to tie the ends together after threading a needle and sew with the doubled thread. The advantage is that the thread can never slip out of the needle, however, it is also a big nuisance and completely unnecessary. The seam will already be super strong without it. You can just put the thread through the needle and hold it with your fingers while you sew. Get used to it and it won’t slip. You can also twist it a little to secure it.

The exception is embroidery. You gotta just quadruple or octuple thread, make it count, baby. But knotting is still unnecessary.

The left seam is finished with a knot. The right seam has no knot, just some back stitches.
You shall not knot. This one is important because it saves a lot more work. It is also a hot take that goes against many beginner guides. But I strongly believe that knots are a sign for an insecure attachment style. You form them because you are afraid of future loss. But try to skip the knots, make three of the thinnest in-place backstiches you can manage and try to pull, try to get it undone again. It’s secure and so are you.

Sewing machines are optional. Actually, sewing machines are great. They allow you to create much more and making big straight seams can be so much quicker. But remember, what you are doing is trading time and it has a cost. Even today there is no machine that can make the stitches humans do. Sewing by hand is a perfectly viable option if you have more time than money or space. Ultimate laziness means not buying the machine in the first place. Remember, in this world there is no greater humble brag than “Oh I’m actually really bad at machine sewing” and then presenting a hand-sewn Victorian ball gown.

Conclusion

Basically, whether you follow my hot takes or not, I think the motivation section has some merits. I bought my needle many years ago and since then, it has helped my life around a few interesting turns. I hope this little unnecessarily wordy and convoluted article can inspire someone else.